


Let's Not Talk About It

by Snoezibol



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: And Engineer is filled with wisdom, Fear of Rejection, Light Angst, M/M, Medic is the voice of reason, Scout is oblivious af, Sniper also has some self-esteem issues, Sniper is an idiot, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, That once you figure out who it is, The idea is, You get sicker and sicker until you tell them, self deprecating thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 04:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17759495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snoezibol/pseuds/Snoezibol
Summary: All it had taken was for Sniper to look down and now his life was a right mess.





	Let's Not Talk About It

**Author's Note:**

> bubbz-i-guess on Tumblr had an amazing soulmate AU idea also with matching symbols, but once you figure out who your soulmate is you get sicker and sicker until you tell them and they gave me the permission to write it! Make sure to check them out as well as prince-less on Tumblr because they were the ones actually giving me permission
> 
> Now I've spend more than two whole weeks on this thing and as y'all already saw, it's long af so I'm already sorry in advance. I've been second guessing the shit out of this fic, so I'm just going to post it now before I change my mind again
> 
> Enjoy!

"Ah, fuck!" The cry of envy sounded distant, clearly coming from another room, but it had Sniper perking up his head at it anyway. Cocking up a single eyebrow as he scanned the empty area around him and giving it enough time to nearly forget about it and resume reading the paper like he was doing before, until Scout rushed into the room, clutching his left hand and holding it to his chest as he hurried towards the kitchen.

 

That was... _strange_.

 

The runner was still fiercely cursing underneath his breath, hissing out what Sniper guessed to be pain filled whimpers and all of it evincive enough for the marksman to rise from his chair and see what exactly Scout was straining there in the other room. Sounded like a real fight, alright.

 

"Scout?" Sniper spoke, more to warn Scout that he was there while approaching him. Having had his fair chair of hands been thrown in his face or punches right in the chest because of Scout's unbelievable flight or fight response in the past, Sniper knew better than to just startle the runner. "Everythin' okay, mate?"

 

"Yeah, yeah." Scout answered hurriedly, looking through a few cabinets in search of something. "Do - do ya know if there are any bandages or somethin' 'round here, Snipes?"

 

"Err, yeah." The marksman looked around him briefly to remember the exact spot, only to eventually take a knee before the cabinet beneath the sink to retrieve a band-aid from the first aid kid located there. "Here ya go." Sniper muttered, a tad bit worried now.

 

"Ah, thanks! You're ma hero, man." Scout joked, taking the band-aid from Sniper and laying it down on the counter where the tab was already running and water was cascading down the sink. "I cut myself with a letter opener and it fuckin' hurts." 

 

"How did ya do _that_?"

 

"Seriously Snipes?" Scout huffed borderline annoyed, meanwhile unwrapping the grip tape from his left hand where blood was now colouring the normal white tape. "I was openin' letters, 'course. How else did I get hurt?" The marksman shrugged, understanding the rather futile nature of a question like that, but he was never someone to just assume and besides, he just didn't really understand _how_ someone could evoke a cut wound with such a blunt object. Then again, however, it was Scout. The runner had managed to hurt himself in way stranger ways and _with_ far more weird things in the past. Maybe _that's_ why it was stupid to ask that question. You know, knowing Scout and all.

 

Sniper silently watched how the runner held his left hand, palm up, underneath the running tab. The water did a marvellous job cleaning out the wound and not long after Sniper handed him a clean towel to dry it off with. Finally the smile returned to the boy's lips, thanking Sniper for the towel before discarding it and asking him: "Ya think ya could help me with the band-aid real quick?"  

 

He took the band-aid from the runner, carefully placing it atop his palm and gently pressing it onto the wound so it was concealed. "There didn't happen to be any rust on that letter opener, roight?" Sniper couldn't help but ask, happy to see the wound taken care of, yet his worry hadn't really sunken yet.

 

_Don't make it obvious, ya bloody hoon._

 

"Yeah Snipes, don't worry. Why the hell would I keep a rusty freakin' letter opener, anyway?" The marksman shrugged, deciding to keep his spiel about tetanus for himself. The last thing the runner probably wanted right now was a lecture as if he were talking to Medic. So Sniper swallowed his words and besides, he didn't want Scout to know he actually... _cared_. He'd just be called a pussy.

 

"Hey, I was just makin' sure, it wouldn't honestly surproise me if ya did, Scou-" What had started as a savvy way to save his skin ended in half a stutter and nearly choking on his teammates name as suddenly the runner turned his left hand and Sniper caught sight of a symbol that seemed... oddly familiar to him.

 

Wait a second, is that? No.. it can't be.

 

"Snipes?" Scout's voice sounded distant to his ears, the marksman himself far too caught up with unintentionally burning the image of Scout's soulmate symbol into his mind. "Hey Snipes, you good? Ya look like ya seen a ghost or somethin'?"

 

The marksman swallowed once, spotting an attempt at keeping everything together as he locked eyes with the runner and something within him just _cracked_. His heart started pounding like crazy and blood rushed through his ears. It was finally sinking in, right there as he looked Scout in his soft blue eyes, the reality of the situation sucker punched him right in the stomach.

 

Sniper darted out of the room, painfully aware of how suspicious it looked and faintly hearing Scout's questioning words dying out as he disappeared. He stormed through the hallways and eventually stopped at the common showers, rendering it empty for the time being. With a head running far quicker than his limbs could manage to keep up with, Sniper stalked in there, firmly grabbing hold of one of the sinks and forcing himself to calm down first. His eyes darted over his own likeness in the mirror, eventually stopping at his own gray eyes who looked more than just a little confused. He wanted to ask himself what the fuck just happened, as if the reflection in the mirror knew all the answers. It didn't, however, it was just him, just a reflection of someone who has no idea of what the fuck to do.

 

But... perhaps he was wrong? Maybe the symbol didn't match up. The possibility was still _very_ likely.

 

So, he quickly rolled up his sleeve high enough to be able to look at his own symbol now. He looked it over time after time after time, trying his hardest to understand what exactly just happened. Had he really found his _soulmate_? After thirty some years of his life, did his soulmate really just _happen_ to be in the same barren dessert, in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere as he was?

 

But most of all; was _Scout_ really his soulmate?

 

Sniper wasn't going to lie, he'd always been curious as to what Scout's soulmate symbol was, because somewhere inside himself there was this pathetic dreamer Sniper had never been able to kill, but now, when he actually _knows_ the runner's symbol he had no idea what to do or think. As if that dreamer had abandoned him all at once after years of being too stubborn to do so. He was so confused, with one part of himself wanting nothing more than to feel glad about this, while the other screamed for him to use some common sense for one hot minute. There was no way in _hell_ their symbols actually matched! There had to be something off, a missing line or yet one too many.

 

But... it was a simple design, nothing more than a circle with a four-legged star within it and two connected little circles in the middle. So simple so that Sniper knew it was pathetic to act like Scout's wasn't identical. But, that piece of reality could kiss his ass, in all honesty. There was _no way in hell_ that Sniper would casually inform Scout about the very disappointing news of not only his soul mate being a _man_ , but his soul mate also being the least interesting person Sniper knew; _himself_. It sucked, it really fucking sucked, surely because however may stubbornly he'd been pushing it to back of his mind, the marksman _had_ to admit that his admiration for Scout ran far deeper than what a normal friendship could cover. He wasn't going to lie to himself, not anymore at least. To say he was in love might be running ahead of himself, but he also _knew_ it wasn't that awfully far from the truth either.

 

It was bittersweet and he absolutely hated it.  

 

Leaning with his back against a cold tiled wall, Sniper rubbed his face, meanwhile sliding down to the ground as one defeated mess. He didn't know what to fucking do. He was so lost. Was this big, life-changing discovery meant to be such a fucking tumult? Everything just kept switching. One moment he finds himself _hopeful_ , hopeful that perhaps if he'd tell Scout, the runner might tell him he'd been feeling the same after all, but once he lets that thought sail too far, common sense kicks him right in the butt. Because, no, Scout doesn't feel the same. Never has Sniper met someone so " _No homo_ " as Scout was and it made him ache all over.

 

What was Sniper honestly thinking? Scout's been crushing on Miss Pauling from the moment she introduced herself, has been hitting on girls in bars since the first time they all decided to visit one. They were friends, indeed, rather good ones too, but _that was it_. This whole situation was only going to result in Scout hating him, because who would want to have fucking _Sniper_ as their soulmate? Not to mention the fact that he was a _man_ and if he'd ever tell Scout about _more_ than just the fact that they're soulmates, their friendship would go right down the drain.

 

He didn't want that, if a friendship was all he could get, then so be it! Sniper was fairly aware of the consequences one suffered when keeping information like this a secret from their soulmate and he honestly didn't care about it. You get sick? Whatever! And besides, perhaps this is his way to know whether Scout was _truly_ his soulmate or not.

 

Sniper knew better, really. He was just making a fuss out of absolutely nothing. Tomorrow and the next day and all the days after that, Sniper would wake up completely fine because there was no way this was actually true.

 

**********************

 

The first thing Sniper felt when he woke up the next morning was pain. An unforgiving headache was hammering in his head from the moment he opened his eyes, making him groan in his pillow and afterwards groan out in pain from having moved too quickly.

 

How was he going to deny it now, huh?

 

Getting ready for work that morning was a true battle and after taking two painkillers, one for this headache and the other for whatever inconvenience may bother him along the way, Sniper silently trudged towards the respawn room. Perhaps the headache was really just misfortunate, a coincidence, but he couldn't only rely on that, he still had a job to do.

 

He felt plain fuzzy during battle and for the rest of the day and it all got worse once nausea came into play and he felt like puking his guts out whenever he moved one inch of his body.

 

What the fuck was going on? This couldn't  really be happening, could it? He'd expected things to go slow _if_ Scout happened to be his soulmate, not for every common sickness to down upon him within the span of twenty-four hours.

 

He didn't join them for dinner that evening, nor did he show his face for one moment for the rest of the night and apparently, _someone_ had noticed.

 

"Hey Snipes?" Sniper heard Scout calling from right outside his camper door after the runner had knocked three times without getting an answer. "Did ya die or anythin'? I know you're in there, man. We're all kinda wonderin' where the hell you are!" He rose from his couch, having been napping for a couple of minutes there, before Scout's yelling had woke him up. As he moved to open the door, Sniper noticed that sleeping hadn't done anything to help his case, actually, he only felt stiff. He sighed deeply before opening the door, trying to look far more alive than he actually felt.

 

"Sorry, mate." Sniper quickly apologized after opening the door. "I was sleepin', actually, didn't hear ya knockin'."

 

"That's okay, sorry for wakin' ya." Scout's brow was slightly furrowed and Sniper could already hear the question that was without a doubt on the edge of Scout's tongue. "Are... are you okay?"

 

There it was.

 

"Yeah, I'm foine. Just a bit toired, is all." He sighed again, being painfully unable to look the runner in the eyes. He honestly just wanted to be left alone. "Is there anythin' ya need, or..?" It sounded _extremely_ rude to Sniper's ears, but he felt considerably _worse_ standing out there with his so called soulmate, knowing it was the origins of all his problems.

 

Scout didn't know any better, however, it was just unfair.

 

"N-no, I just... wanted to check up on ya." It was clear that Scout hadn't exactly appreciated Sniper's sudden rudeness, but at least the runner was collected enough to not outright show it. Well, he wasn't the one standing there with a headache that was rendering his brain down to a messy puddle. Sniper had done the discovery, remember, not Scout. "I'll leave ya then."

 

"Y-yeah." Finally he found it within himself to look the runner in the eyes, but once he did he realized it was one big mistake. Because somewhere deep within the soft blue of his eyes, Sniper saw annoyance, doubt, but most importantly he saw hurt and the marksman knew he was the one causing that.

 

Scout was his best friend after all. God, Sniper would give a whole lot to just return to how things were before. All it had taken was him looking down and seeing Scout's symbol, nothing more and now everything around him was a mess. His health, his friendship and his life and he knew he probably wouldn't do anything to change that.

 

Sniper had always been a silent sufferer.

 

**********************

 

Everything just got gradually worse. Over the passing days, Sniper's nausea had become so prominent and _bad_ that he'd have to visit the bathroom on more than one occasion. Each and every time he emptied his stomach in either the toilet or the sink, something within the marksman expected him to feel... _better_ , but that was wishful thinking if he ever did so. Everything he did was accompanied with pain, pain and some more fucking pain. Waking up, eating, moving, working, sleeping and even breathing was painful and after two weeks of this unforgiving shit Sniper had come down with such a violent fever that he felt like he could shake apart at any moment.   

 

He'd lost a lot of weight, became severely sleep deprived and even had to call in sick for work a few times because he literally couldn't do anything but lay in bed and wish for nothing but death. This shit was horrible. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd gotten sick enough for him to call off work, hell he couldn't even recall the last time he had something as simple as a headache, but this was just transcending every sort of pain he had ever felt in the past. Including the bullet wounds.

 

Now it was just everything at fucking once. A fever, a headache, nausea, a burning chest and throat, muscle aches, insomnia and next to all that, his left underarm was itching like absolute _hell_ all the time, every day, a big reminder of what put him in this situation in the first place.

 

Because you see, that was the exact location his soulmate symbol was located and even though Sniper was too stubborn to look at it again, this irritatingly itchy feeling was there to remind him that yes, Scout was indeed his soul mate ( _no_ _denying now, you dickhead_ ) and all he had to do to end his suffering was to tell Scout what was going on.

 

But he hadn't spoken to Scout ever since their last encounter and he had a feeling not everything between them was exactly... good. But that was something he only had himself to thank for, that encounter wasn't Scout's fault.

 

"This is just too much.." Sniper muttered bitterly to himself, feeling another wave of nausea crash over him as he pushed himself into a sitting position. He felt so weak and tired and burned from every bit of energy he ever possessed, but his unmoving opinion about this whole ordeal was enough to keep him standing for at least a moment there. "Bloody bullshit.." The marksman grumbled under his breath, managing to climb out of bed without feeling all his muscles seize up or like he has to run for the toilet again. Slowly he made his way to make some tea, hoping he could feed his body _something_ without losing it immediately after.

 

It felt like ages since he'd had a proper meal or a proper night sleep for that matter and maybe, just maybe, this shit was actually going to kill him. Was he really so committed to keeping this a secret that he'd rather take it to his grave than to come clean?

 

_Perhaps_.

 

He silently leaned against his little kitchen counter, watching smoke curl up from the kettle as he suddenly heard a string of knocking on his door. Right from the bed Sniper could tell it wasn't Scout, because the runner's knocks were so distinctively different from these ones. And it was a good thing really, because the last person Sniper wanted to see now, was Scout.

 

Opening the door, Sniper was met with the sight of Medic's piercing green eyes widening in shock from the moment he saw the marksman. He'd take that as a compliment.

 

"Mein Gott, Sniper. Vhat happened to you?"

 

"G'day to ya too, doc."

 

The German gave him a hesitant look-over, taking in the sight as if he were watching a tragic car accident. Really a look you want to get after weeks of misery. Wonderful. "No seriously Sniper, vhat is going on?" Medic pressed a bit more serious now that he'd had the time to examine.

 

Sniper found himself getting rather annoyed now, offhandedly scratching at his arm as his brow furrowed heavily and he sighed out. "Wot do ya mean?"

 

"Vhat do I mean? Have you seen yourself?" It was a very subjective way to bring his point across, but Sniper honestly couldn't blame him. "I have noticed zhat you have been calling off vork for zhe past veek und seeing you now, I vant to know vhy you did not come to zhe medbay?"

 

"'cause I don't need treatment..?"

 

"You do not need treatme- are you kidding me?!" Medic half chocked on his own words. "Ve have been vorking together for nearly four years now und I am not lying vhen I say that I have _never_ seen you like zhis before!"

 

"Well you ain't exactly alone. I've just... never been loike this before." He couldn't stop scratching at his arm, a burning sensation spread from that one spot all throughout his left arm, as if his soulmate symbol was on fire and of course, Medic noticed.

 

"Vhat is going on vith your arm?"

 

"Nothin'." Sniper answered quickly, perhaps a bit too quickly as he felt his head ring shortly after that. "Just.. a-a rash."

 

"Can I see it?"

 

"No!"

 

"No..?"

 

"Err.." Sniper was running out of things to say and with the way Medic was pervasively staring at the marksman, Sniper had this nasty feeling that the German was catching up. "L-look, I'm foine, alroight? Just a bit sick. That's all."

 

"Are you sure zhere is not anything _more_ going on?"

 

"Don't know wot you're talkin' about." He tried to be casual, tried to avert his eyes just the right way as if he _really_ didn't know what Medic was talking about, but all it left him with was another striking headache from stupidly looking into the sun and yet again feeling like vomiting for like the thirtieth time that week. 

 

There was a rather long silence in which Medic looked him over one more time, before taking in a deep breath, adjusting his glasses and trying a different approach. "You know, Sniper, vhenever a new person his born something... funny happens. From zhe moment ve see zhe light of day for zhe very first time, a symbol appears _somewhere_ on our skin and it stays vith us for the rest of our lives."

 

Oh _fuck_.

 

"I have it, Spy has it, Heavy has it, _everybody_ has it und zhat also includes _you_. It is a simple zhing, a design only one other person in zhis entire world has as well und once ve find zhat person, it is said zhat you have found your _soulmate_."

 

Sniper swallowed once, his hand trembling from where it was gripping onto the metal of his doorframe.

 

"But vhen someone decides to keep zhat information for zhemselves zhey... get _really_ sick. Vhen someone _finds_ zheir soulmate vithout telling said person, ve get sicker und sicker vith every passing day ve keep zhat secret to ourselves"

 

"Really now?" The marksman struggled to respond, his throat suddenly feeling rather dry.

 

Medic nodded his head. "Indeed so und I have a feeling zhat I exactly now vhat is going on vith you." There was so much tension between the two of them, a tension that only grew until Medic asked him a question Sniper never knew he would dread so much. "Who is it, Sniper?"

 

"Wot makes ya so sure it's actually that?" Sniper shot back, thinking he could be savvy when he felt every inch of himself hurting.

 

"I do believe so, because I know zhat a side effect of this all is zhat your soulmate symbol starts to itch und I _also_ know for a fact zhat yours is right," He pointed at the marksman's covered left underarm. " _zhere_. Und besides, I am older zhan you, Sniper. I have seen situations like zhis before."

 

Sniper was at a total loss for words, too tired and drained to think of some way to counter that. But what was he honestly thinking? Even with his health at an all time one hundred, Sniper _never_ knew what to respond to people, even with a clear head the marksman was horrible with words, so why would he even bother now.

 

"I honestly believe you vould never put so much effort into hiding an illness, Sniper. You und I both know better zhan zhat." Medic was softening his approach. Convincing Sniper wasn't offering a fight anymore, because the marksman had long given up already. "I vill ask again, Sniper. Who is it?"

 

"Scout." Sniper muttered, his hand balling into a fist against the doorframe as he was suddenly being so blatantly honest with Medic. "It's Scout."

 

Medic seemed perplexed for a moment. "Zhat actually does not surprise me all zhat much, you two get along amazingly vell. So... vhy vill you not just tell him?"

 

"'cause have ya _met_ Scout?" Sniper countered immediately, not understanding Medic's reasoning. _Just tell him_ , is he insane? "I'll only be the bad guy comin' into his life and informin' 'em about the rather doire fact that his soulmate is a bloody _man_."

 

"Vhy does zhat matter so much?"

 

"You and I both know Scout doesn't swing that way, doc. He'll be devastated knowin' it ain't some cute girl or somethin'."

 

"Vell, zhat brings up something entirely different then, I suppose."

 

Sniper frowned heavily. "Wot?"

 

"Zhis is not only about Scout, remember? Zhis is about zhe _both of you_." That made sense and Sniper already hated the suggestion of it. "Vhat are your thoughts about zhis? Do _you_ swing zhat way?"

 

"Doesn't matter."

 

"Oh no, it does. Because you can keep breaking your head und worry about whatever Scout vill think of this, but Scout's feelings are not zhe only ones you should contemplate." Sniper hadn't really considered that before, but that's because there wasn't anything to consider in his opinion, besides the fact that Sniper was the overwhelming bad guy here. He could never get himself to disappoint Scout like that and tell him the actual truth. He could already imagine the look on Scout's face and it made him _sick_ (quite literally, actually).

 

"How long has zhis been going on, if I may ask?"

 

"About a.. month, maybe?"

 

Medic's brow rose a good few inches at the answer and as Sniper watched the wrinkles for on Medic's forehead, he realised that he'd dug his own grave answering that question. "I know you are a rather stubborn someone, but... a _month_ is an awfully long time, is it not? At zhis point I zhink even you know vhat is _really_ going on, no?" The German shook his head as Sniper remained mulishly quiet. "I cannot help you vith all zhe medical burdens you are going through right now, but I can und vill give some piece of advice." The German waited until Sniper finally looked back at him, making eye contact and keeping the marksman right there to bring his point across.

 

" _Tell him_. As long as you decide to keep zhis to yourself, the worse you vill get. Zhink of yourself for once, because as long as you keep zhis a secret, nobody else vill."

 

**********************

 

Medic had been right, Sniper _was_ too stubborn because after perhaps a month and a half of this, Sniper still hadn't come clean, expecting to be at his peak already and just forcing himself to get used to the feeling.

 

But no, that would be too easy, wouldn't it?

 

He possibly couldn't think of anything else to make him even sicker, until the day he _fainted_ for the first time. He'd helplessly staggered back to work after calling in sick for far too long, climbing up to his nest only to faint right after he reached the top. His sight had gone black and next thing he knew, he fell to the ground with one hard smack.

 

It happened again not that much later. He wanted to leave his camper to go get _something_ that could be considered food since he had no energy whatsoever to make himself something, but as he made a move to go outside, that familiar darkness surrounded him and he once again fainted.

 

But it was most embarrassing once it happened a fourth or fifth time around (honestly Sniper didn't even know anymore at that point), because it had happened right in the middle of respawn with the entire team there to see it.

 

They'd been waiting for the gates to open up, all daringly looking into the last minute before battle would begin, but when the Administrator started counting down from thirty, the room around the marksman started spinning and he suddenly felt extremely light-headed. He tried his hardest to at least remain standing on his feet until the countdown was over and everybody ran away from here, but sadly he wasn't that lucky. Of course he wasn't.

 

"Five, four, three, tw-" And then all the lights went out and he awoke again moments later with half the team standing over him and both Medic and Scout kneeling at his sides. A disappointed expression rested on Medic's features, while Scout's was a far more worried one. He didn't want that, however, Scout should be just as crestfallen as Medic was because Sniper had brought this whole ordeal upon himself. Like the idiot he'd always been.

 

Sniper was still far too drowsy, hearing his teammates speak but being unable to make anything of their words. He was too occupied with gathering every bit of himself and piecing it back together to worry about Soldier's stupid remark or Spy's snotty attitude or to even think about the lecture Medic was probably cooking up for him.

 

"Sniper?" After deliberately breathing in and out for a bit, the world around him stopped spinning and things finally started to make sense again. He heard his name leave Medic's mouth once rather distantly, but once Scout repeated it, his senses returned to him all at once.

 

Medic sighed deeply as he dejectedly pinched the bridge of his nose. "Is zhis zhe first time zhis has happened?" Sniper absently shook his head, immediately averting his gaze from Scout and focusing his tired eyes on Medic instead.

 

"A-about the fourth or err... fifth toime, I think.."  

 

"Vhat?!" It seemed the German was only losing faith in him with every answer Sniper brought forward. Medic's eyes were wide behind his glasses, meanwhile brow furrowing out of nothing but confusion. He really didn't understand did he? "Zhis cannot keep going like zhis."

 

"W-wot do ya mea-" But Sniper got cut off by Medic standing up and strictly telling the rest of the team to disappear. There was still a battle to win, he reminded them and with one uncompromising stare and a scowl the rest of the team was convinced to just leave it alone and proceed with their day.

 

But as Scout got up to follow the rest, Medic immediately stopped him. "No, you stay." And Sniper felt his heart fall right out of his fucking ass. "I am sorry Sniper, but zhis has to stop. Talk vith him, it is zhe only solution."

 

Sniper pushed himself in a sitting position, wanting to protest as he watched Medic casually walk out of respawn, but the hurtful sting of moving too fast stopped him right in his wake. Goddamn it Medic, you rat!

 

However painful that might have been, the silence in which Sniper and Scout momentarily found themselves in _easily_ overshadowed that. Here it was, the moment where the marksman found himself completely unable to run.     

 

"What was he talkin' 'bout?" Scout eventually broke the silence, his voice uncharacteristically distressed and it had Sniper raising an eyebrow at him. "Fuck man, what the hell is goin' on? I don't hear anythin' from ya for like _a month_ an' then _this_ happens! You look fuckin' awful!" The runner appeared far more worked up than Sniper ever expected him to be. His rant seemed to come from a place of worry or perhaps anger, but Sniper didn't understand why. "You're even paler than I remember ya and f-fuck like, how much weight did ya lose? Are ya like tryin' to kill yourself or somethin'? I've been so fuckin' worried 'bout ya, but ya seemed so... _annoyed_ with me the last time I talked to ya an' I just kinda assumed ya were mad, 'cos ya like _stormed_ out o' the freakin' room that one time an' I don't know why or what's happenin' an-"  

 

"Scout, I have to tell ya somethin'." Sniper suddenly interrupted him, stopping Scout before he could possibly bite off his own tongue.  The marksman stared off into the distance for a bit, feeling just as heavy as the bags underneath his eyes, before clearing his throat and adding: "Or I... I guess showin' ya would be easier."

 

He slowly started rolling up  his sleeve until it was high enough for that ratchet symbol to be visible and for Scout to finally see the root of this entire fucking shit show. Sniper could see Scout's pupil's dilating once his eyes fell on the symbol, watching the runner take a step back in unnecessary defence. 

 

"W-what..err.." Scout muttered confused. His sentences kept falling apart and every word that left his mouth was unintelligible maundering. He was obviously struck beyond anything, but Sniper hadn't expected anything else.

 

"I'm sorry." Sniper wasn't really sure what exactly he was apologizing for, but it didn't matter. Scout looked about ready to jump out of his own skin and Sniper guessed apologizing would also cover the without a doubt internal crisis Scout was about to go through. "I really am."

 

"W-why?" The expression on Scout's features showed so much struggle, as if he was fighting himself to actually understand this and his posture wasn't exactly any better. The runner seemed ready for a fucking  fight. He was so rigid and on edge, shoulder's locked up in the most unhealthy way and his jaw was nervously switching between being clenched and unclenched.

 

And as Sniper found it in himself to stand up, surprised at the sudden surge of energy and _strength_ that momentarily coursed through him, Scout took yet another step backwards. He looked outright scared of Sniper for a moment there and the sight of it felt like taking a bullet to the chest.

 

_Poor thing_.

 

"Look Scout, don't worry about this, alroight?" The marksman fruitlessly tried to comfort him. "This doesn't have to change anythin'. I-I'd honestly rather prefer to just.. never talk about this again." Scout's mouth opened for a moment, but Sniper quickly continued before the runner might say something he'd regret later. "I didn't tell ya this 'cause I want it to mean somethin'."

 

_You liar, you fucking liar!_

"Ya don't owe me an answer, alroight? I know you're disappointed and I'm very sorry the universe did this to ya, but we can just.. let this go."

 

_You don't want to let this go, idiot! Tell him how you feel!_

 

"I'd really loike that."

 

_No. You don't._

 

There wasn't a single word leaving Scout, the runner only continued staring at Sniper as if he'd grown an extra head. His chest was rapidly rising and falling, eyes darting everywhere on the marksman's face until their gazes actually locked and suddenly not one inch of Scout's entire, normally very twitchy, body moved.

 

What had Sniper done to him? He should have just kept this entire thing to himself. _Shit_.

 

"This is a lot to take in at once, I know and havin' me here probably ain't helpin' ya. I'll leave ya so ya can give yourself some toime, alroight?" Scout was still rather intensely staring at him, but after a moment of letting Sniper's words sink in, the runner slowly nodded his head.

 

That one gesture left Sniper with an unexplainable heavy feeling, but he knew it was for the better. There was a lot on Scout's plate right now and giving Scout the time to indeed realize that this doesn't have to change anything, perhaps could safe their friendship.  

 

It was a healthy way to reason with himself and he knew that, but just like everything else about this tragedy of a situation, Sniper fucking hated it.  

 

**********************

 

Two weeks after Sniper's confession had blown him entirely out of his socks, Scout was seated on his bed, thinking. The grip tape from his left hand was draped in his lap as he continued staring at the symbol on his hand, after all this time still not understanding what all of this actually meant.

 

So he and Sniper were soulmates. Okay. What now?

 

Everything was so confusing, from the way Sniper had tried brushing everything off as if it were _nothing_ to the cold ache Scout had felt in his gut due to that. He'd stood there, staring at the marksman as if where going to tell him what to do with this, but instead all he got was an overwhelming feeling that Sniper himself had no idea. He couldn't even _look_ at Scout, acting as if he were some monster for being Scout's soulmate and _ruining_ his goddamn life. As if Sniper had to apologize for being his soulmate, for as far Scout knew that was something entirely out of their control.

 

And Scout had a feeling that he _should_ feel fucked here. His soulmate was Sniper, a _man_ and.. his best friend. He should feel robbed and deceived somehow, but he didn't. The scariest part was that from that one moment where he had managed to make eye contact with Sniper, Scout had felt severely calm and now after two weeks he'd come to the conclusion that no, he didn't feel fucked, because he actually didn't _mind_ at all.

 

What does that mean?

 

_I don't know_.

 

Why did Sniper apologize so much?

 

_I don't know._

 

Had Sniper lied? Does he want this to be anything.. _more_?

 

_I don't fucking know._

 

Do _you_ want this to be anything more?

 

Scout shook himself from his thoughts, resurfacing quickly as he looked up and around his quiet little room. He was going _insane_ within these four walls and he could feel his legs begging him for a walk after having sit still for so long. Scout rubbed his face once, before swiftly rising to his feet and making a beeline for the door. He couldn't be alone any longer or he might start making a fuzz of his own damn brain.

 

He wandered through the base a bit, going from hallway to hallway, hearing people laugh together, talk together and immediately deciding to steer away from that. You know, in the off chance Sniper might have actually lost it and suddenly started spending time with the others.

 

It's not that he didn't want to talk to Sniper, it's more that he felt things he'd honestly never experienced before and Scout knew he wasn't the best at processing feelings. He'd always kept to his strict policy of never  touching those with a ten foot pole, just like Sniper knew to do, but then _this_ had to happen and everything was so utterly messed up now.

 

But he guessed Sniper had been going through it a lot rougher than Scout had, after all, he'd kept it a secret for nearly two months, hadn't he?

 

That had to mean something or maybe Scout _wanted_ it to mean something.

 

He shook his head again, physically rejecting that train of thought as he suddenly found himself in the same hallway as Engineer's workshop, his mouth curling in a smile as he had the sudden idea to pay him a visit, knowing Engie wouldn't mind.

 

He politely knocked on the door and let himself in afterwards when he heard Engie give him a green light to do so. The familiar sight of the hardhat hunched over his worktable greeted Scout as he walked in, Engineer now welcoming him with a look over his shoulder and a smile before putting down whatever he was working on to talk to him.

 

"Hi there, Scout! Awfully sweet of ya to pay me a visit."

 

"Yeah, y'know, just makin' sure ya haven't killed yourself with any o' this crap yet." Scout cleverly answered as he ran his hand alongside a dysfunctional sentry. These little guys always fascinated him. 

 

Engineer chuckled, meanwhile shaking his head. "As ya can see, I'm still in one piece."

 

"Clearly." There was a certain playful bite in Scout's talking, yet there was this overwhelming low-energy that had been with him all day already and it was becoming harder and harder to mask. Surely around Engineer. That man was like a goddamn bloodhound when it came to stuff like that and now seemed no different.

 

"You okay, Scout? Ya seem a bit distracted."

 

Scout continued looking at the sentry instead of Engineer, outweighing his opinions _if_ he decided to tell Engineer what was on his mind. But then again, why else had he wandered off towards the hardhat's workshop? This wasn't the first time he'd been struggling with something and had decided to hear what Engineer had to say about it instead. He was a smart man, he probably did know what to do opposed to Scout himself and his apparent _soulmate_.

 

"Can I tell ya somethin'?" Scout spoke hesitantly with a voice so little and fragile, he nearly felt like hitting himself over the head with something just to get back to his usual senses. 

 

"Sure thing, son. What's on your mind?"

 

Scout chewed the inside of his cheek for a good moment, only stopping when a metallic taste invaded his mouth and he finally realised he hadn't said anything for a solid minute.

 

_Don't waste his time._

 

"I err... I kinda found out who ma soulmate is."

 

"Really?" Engineer sounded hopeful, reminding Scout that this discovery was usually meant to be an important moment in his life. Not many people get the privilege of meeting their soulmate and he perhaps _would_ feel any better about it too, if the circumstances weren't so fucking weird. "That's great Scout!"

 

Scout took a sharp intake of breath, meanwhile toying with the grip tape on his left hand. "I... dunno if it's so _great_ , to be honest with ya.."

 

Within an instant Engineer's hopeful spirit fell. "Whaddaya mean..?" Who is it? Is it someone ya don't like?"  

 

Scout quickly shook his head. "No, that's not the case at all.. It's just... difficult.." He saw Engineer raising an eyebrow at him, confusion visible even through the hardhat's goggles and he knew he had to stop being so vague in order to get some advice. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, eyes trailing away from Engineer as he offhandedly muttered: "It's Snipes. Turns out he's... he's ma soulmate."

 

"Oh...," The word escaped Engineer in a surprised sigh, now both his eyebrows raising at the news. "well, that's indeed somethin' to stir up the pot, ain't it?"

 

"You can say that, yeah.." Scout groaned softly as he ran a hand through his hair, meanwhile plopping down on some makeshift chair across from Engineer. "I don't know what to do, man.."

 

Engineer probably also had no idea how to go about with these kinds of things, but he was Scout's only shot. "Does Slim know..?"

 

"Yeah, he's the one who told me actually. Remember 'bout two weeks ago when he fainted in the respawn room?" The hardhat nodded his head, the gesture of his brow furrowing together telling Scout that he exactly knew what that meant. "After Medic urged you guys to leave, that's when he told me." He twiddled his thumbs for a moment, bouncing his knee out of pent up energy from doing nothing but ponder all day. "It's just so _confusin_ ' to me.."

 

"Why's that?"

 

"I just... never expected anythin' like this to happen. Ever since I was lil' ma ma, brothers an' basically everyone ever has been tellin' me stories on how one day I'd meet some cute girl with the same soulmate symbol as me an' that I'd spend the rest o' ma life with her, happy." He sighed deeply, hands falling into his lap. "Nobody ever told me that a _guy_ could be your soulmate, I've never been prepared for this 'cos I've always been fed these same ol' stories, y'know? Everythin' had always been by default, but this... this ain't default an' I just don't know what to make o' it or ma feelings for that matter."

 

It's true. All his life Scout had been told the same things. Everything around him had always suggested a certain lifestyle, so much so even that he never dared to question it. If you're a boy, you find a girl and if you're a girl you find a boy. That's it, no colouring outside of the lines. But what happens once you do?

 

Scout felt so alienated from his own feelings that he couldn't even separate affection from spite or admiration from hate. He'd never been prepared for a situation like this, but even less for the fact that despite all that, he found himself giving it a place somewhere, an acceptance that he rather badly wanted to show to Sniper with every passing day and it felt good, yet so fucking odd at the same time.

 

"That's... understandable, son. I know some things we're spoon fed as lil' children tend to be _limited_ , but havin' another man as your soulmate don't mean your faith's tainted, it means there might be somethin' you've just never really _realised_ before 'cause nothin' in your life even gave ya the suggestion to do so." That made sense, too much sense actually and it had Scout's mouth slightly agape and eyes wider than ever before. His fingers were gripping onto the fabric of his pants, breaking his head over that small piece of truth Engineer had just offered him.

 

Perhaps this was far more normal than he thought it was, perhaps his feelings weren't so strange after all. It was just a matter of perspective.

 

"Have ya talked to Slim 'bout this already?"

 

"Not really no... Once he told me he kinda.. brushed it all off an' I haven't spoken to 'em since." Sniper's strange enthusiasm to just leave this be and to keep up an appearance hadn't really helped Scout's case at all, but it also heavily suggested that the marksman might be going through something similar mentally. _Maybe_.    

 

Engineer's mouth curled up into half a smile as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Y'all really were made for each other, goddamn." He chuckled deeply. "Go talk to 'em, Scout. Slim's always been a hard fella to read, but he'd been so set on keepin' that darn thing a secret that he nearly took it to his grave and to me, that has to mean somethin', don't ya think?"

 

Scout nodded his head, a smile tugging at his own lips now as Engineer had managed to do what Scout had been failing at all day. The hardhat had made sense of things, made them easier to understand as if he were some beacon of light in Scout's furthermore dark and confusing mess of a brain and he was immensely thankful for that.  

 

And now that he finally knew up from down and down from up again, there was only one thing left for him to do.

 

**********************

 

Sniper didn't like to admit it, but ever since his confession his body had been on a slow path to recovery. He could eat again, sleep again and the bruises from fainting all the time were finally starting to disappear. Slowly Sniper was gaining the weight he'd lost, his muscles had stopped feeling so tense and the headaches had finally completely gone away.

 

He was doing so much better, physically, yet mentally he couldn't shake how _empty_ he felt.

 

The horrible hurried speech he'd offered to Scout after he'd shown the symbol kept repeating in his head as if it were a broken record player. Every time he heard himself brush it all off as if it meant absolutely nothing to him, he cringed. He should have worded it differently, should have given Scout the time to voice his opinion, but no, instead he'd been acting like some crazed junky only to eventually walk away. How was Scout ever meant to make _anything_ of that?

 

Well, he hadn't seen the runner in two weeks, so that probably meant enough.

 

_Good job, you bloody moron._

 

The marksman was in the midst of sorting his locker out, having kept himself far too occupied after battle to the point where he was the last person left in respawn. Looking over the contents he'd just stored away to make sure he wasn't forgetting anything, the sudden ringing of footsteps in the tiled room had him on edge in a second.

 

They came to a stop right next to his locker, his onlooker not exactly shy to make it very clear who he was and why he was here.

 

Sniper closed his locker and saw Scout leaning with his shoulder against the neighbouring one with a certain determination in his eyes. There was a hint of uncertainty, but it was overshadowed with the clear desire to sort this out without Sniper running away again and Sniper guessed that was only fair.

 

"We need to talk."

 

"Do we?" Sniper asked, not really sure whether he was sporting an attempt at humour or if he really was just that nervous. Maybe Scout was here to beat him up or something, getting some revenge for messing up this literal once in a lifetime opportunity, Scout was entitled to it and Sniper nearly shrugged at the thought.  

 

"Yeah, 'cos _I_ wanne talk 'bout this.."

 

"I'd.. really rather not." It was a shitty reply, yet another way to brush this off and Sniper wanted to hit himself over the head with something, but the way Scout's expression morphed into annoyance with a hint of disbelieve, Sniper believed the runner might just do it for him.

 

"Ya kiddin' me?"

 

"Err..."

 

"Ya actually fuckin' kiddin' me?" Scout's left eyebrow twitched for a moment there and that's when Sniper really knew he was getting angry. Fuck, Sniper's idiocy had clearly pushed a wrong button there.

 

"Look, Scout-" Sniper tried in an attempt to sooth him, to perhaps defuse the bomb, but Scout was quick to intervene, snatching the moment clean from Sniper's hands.

 

"No, no more 'look Scout', 'cos I _know_ where that shit is goin' an' I'm sick o' it. These past  two weeks have been so fuckin' confusin' an' you ain't goin' to make it worse by _yet again_ runnin' away from me." Scout gave him a look Sniper knew not to mess with and all at once Scout's entire point had been made. Sniper was going to be polite and stay quiet for a bit now.

 

"I've had a lot o' time to think 'bout this an' I just... have so many questions." He shook his head lightly, looking at Sniper as if he were some complex creature and perhaps that wasn't so far from the truth. "Why did ya say all those things? Why did ya brush it off like your fuckin' ass was on fire? I'd never seen ya so... _frantic_ an' it's just _confusin'_." Scout had been spitting out that word like it was nothing and it made Sniper feel just a little bit more guilty every time he used it. It wasn't positive even if it tried to be and Sniper could only see this going south.

 

"Ya think I didn't feel sorry for ya?" There were a surprisingly amount of emotions in that one sentence for someone who wasn't known to wear his heart on his sleeve, but all Sniper wanted was for this to be fixed and he had no idea how. "I mean, bloody hell, I still do." 

 

"Why though? Why do ya keep apologizin' to me like _you_ ruined ma life?! Why don't ya feel sorry for yourself, why is everythin' so much worse for me than it is for you?!"

 

There was a sudden silence following that, a silence that shouldn't have been there at all. Sniper should have been up in Scout's face with ten million reasons, with enough information to back himself up, but by staying silent the marksman had completely given himself away.

 

Because how do you tell someone you feel sorry for them because _you_ fell in love with them? You'd only be considered crazy.

 

"This is ridiculous." Sniper muttered, turning away from his locker to pace to nowhere in particular with Scout following him right on his tail.

 

The runner's reply was fierce, defiance flaring up within the tone of his voice. "No, it's not! Stop brushin' everythin' off!"

 

"Why do ya want to talk about this so badly? What does it matter to ya anyway?"

 

Scout breathed out a harsh breath, steadying himself on his feet and Sniper could see him calculate the result of what his next words might do. "'cos.. 'cos I wanne hear ya say it."

 

"H-hear me say wot?" Sniper tried to act the fool as he felt his blood ran ice cold, yet his face heat up unbearably. Scout's eyes were boring two holes right into his soul as Sniper yet again tried to play him like that.

 

But Scout was equally unpleased with Sniper's decision to stay silent instead. Something visibly broke within the runner as he sudden spilled words as if he were a broken faucet. "Believe me man. I, more than anyone else, know how easy it is to run away from somethin'. Ya don't need to own up to anythin' at all if ya don't even bother, right? But it's no easy way out, regardless. So yeah, I wanne hear ya say it, I wanne hear ya admit to your own fuckin' feelings! I wanne know the reason why you'd rather stay fuckin' sick instead o' just tellin' me what was goin' on! I'm tired o' this cat an' mouse game, Snipes. Fuckin' _talk_ to me." Tension was running high and Sniper knew he'd only make it worse by yet again diverting the subject.

 

So he did.

 

"I dunno wot you're talkin' about, mate.." Sniper's tone of voice was one of excessive uncertainty and as suddenly Scout's entire defensive posture fell and he became disappointed and defeated instead, Sniper felt his chest ache.

 

"You're a dick."

 

"I know..." Sniper sighed, rubbing his face out of pure unease. "Scout, I'm sorry, but we're only gettin' into a foight 'cause of this and it's simply not bloody worth it. Just... let's just let this go, it'll be so much easier for the both of us."   

 

"Easier for us or just for _you_?" The runner spit back, arms crossing over his chest and the tip of his shoe nervously tapped against the tiled floor in a constant motion. "Just tell me what's goin' on, Snipes. That's all ya have to freakin' do."

 

"I err... I think we're done here." He tried to be professional, tried to ease both himself and Scout out of this without any strings attached, but when it really came to it, running _never_ was considered professional and he knew it. "I'm.. I'm sorry, I.. err.." His mind went into lockdown, unable to grant himself some room to think due to the way he was being cornered, but before the marksman could really slip from Scout again, he suddenly felt a hand clamping onto his arm, keeping him right there in that suffocating situation.

 

"Scout, please.. Let it go, alroight? It doesn't matter, it's.. daft." Talk about digging yourself a grave. "I'm sorry for all of this, I should've just... kept it to myself, should have left you alone an-"

 

Scout was still gripping onto the marksman's arm, his brow furrowing at Sniper's little ramble. "Why do ya keep sayin' that? Quit apologizin' to me! Quit bein' sorry for - for what ya feel 'cos who says I don't feel the same..?"

A muscle ticked in Sniper's jaw, eyes stoic and unmoving as if he needed a moment to contemplate Scout's words. "Don't humour me. Y-you're not into blokes."

 

And like that Sniper's heart fell like a brick into his stomach.

 

With less than one sentence Sniper had shown all his cards to Scout, had laid out everything he'd been trying to hide. The little rat had managed to get him to talk and it fucking sucked. Without even noticing it, Sniper had confessed to the one thing Scout apparently wanted to hear and for what? To laugh at him? To tell him how ridiculous it all was? Sniper already knew that, he didn't need the reminder.

 

Scout's grip on Sniper's arm loosened a bit as he had finally found the marksman's weak spot. Rendering him completely speechless wasn't that difficult of a task, but seeing Sniper so bewildered, so flabbergasted at the fact that he'd let his guard down for only a moment there was something entirely different. It was now or never.

 

"I mean, I honestly don't really _know_. As I said, this shit's really fuckin' confusin'." Sniper's gaze immediately fell at that, feeling his last bits of hope fleetly escaping him.

 

"That's understandable." He muttered. "After all, your soulmate doesn't defoine your sexuality of course."  

 

And as Sniper felt the desire to be swallowed up by the ground to be more enticing by the minute, Scout stood there lightly shaking his head with a crooked smile, stifling a laugh. Sniper only cocked an eyebrow up at him.

 

"I might not be sure yet 'bout that, but I _did_ finally make some sense o' what I'm feelin', but... I really wanne hear ya say it though, I..." And he suddenly became shy, as if he had the right to be. "I wanne hear ya say ya like me."

 

The marksman's throat went dry. "Why..?"

 

"'cos.. I like ya too." There was a moment of silence following that, a moment in which they simply looked at each other until their gazes locked and a jolt of some peculiar feeling Sniper had never experienced before sparked throughout his entire body. As if the pieces of this bizarre puzzle finally fell together and the universe for the first time in a long while decided to be helpful rather than bothering.

 

There was no mistaking it now, they were _definitely_ soulmates. Standing there together, minutes melting away like the sorrows they both been experiencing. Nothing of that mattered now, not anymore at least. They belonged together, had found each other and that was their main focus for now.

 

Scout still hadn't let go of Sniper's arm, tightening his grip once more as he suddenly leaned in. Slowly the gap between them closed, their faces drawing in closer until Scout pressed a surprisingly gentle kiss to Sniper's lips. The marksman's hands came up to cup either side of Scout's face, making the sweet kiss linger far longer and it just felt _right_. Like it belonged, like they belonged and it made both their hearts swell.

 

They both pulled away eventually, the linger of their kiss now visible in the jaded smiles curling their lips as Sniper's thumbs lightly caressed alongside Scout's jaw line, finally finding it within himself to fulfil the runner's request.

 

"I loike ya, Scout." He spoke, wrapping his arms around the runner and pulling him into a hug before adding. "Bloody hell, I do."

 

He felt the runner's hands travelling up his back to grip at his vest, returning the hug. Felt Scout melt into his chest as he buried his face in the crook of Sniper's neck and felt a pair of lips pull into a grin against his skin. Happy he finally got his wish.

 

This was too good to be true and Sniper hoped his mind wasn't playing tricks on him, hoped this actually wasn't some fever dream after his head had been cooked by yet another headache or high temperature.

 

But no. There he was, holding Scout, holding his _soulmate_ and it's all he ever wanted.

 

\--    

**Author's Note:**

> If you managed to sit through this entire clusterfuck you're legally allowed to come into my house and kill me now lmao


End file.
